Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
