I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize