YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
