Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
