i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
