everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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