I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We are two peas in an std pod
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
