We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
