he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
