she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
