He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
