how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
