You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm eating all of the evidence.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I intend to get homeless drunk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize