i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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