I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
