Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
