did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
