"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
