take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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