I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
this is an emotional support booty call
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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