I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
