I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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