I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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