Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
