I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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