tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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