I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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