Ambien. No doubt about it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
