my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
