hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I am available for nakedness
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
