You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
