cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
