Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
