I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
