Don't make out with my wife yet
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize