why didn't you poke me back
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
