he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
