3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
false alarm, still single
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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