im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
