Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
