I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
