sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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