1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
