I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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