she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
