i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
