I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
