Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
