i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
