Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
