After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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