Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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