apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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