I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Mom said you looked used
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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