She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize