her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
