Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
