Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
