wakey wakey hands off snakey
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
