he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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