He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
