Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
