I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
