Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
