If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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