He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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