I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
