Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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