And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
