On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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