so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
