Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
