I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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