im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
