worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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