my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
