I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
