The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
