last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
