im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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