I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize