After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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