i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize