If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my shit smells like andre
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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