I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
