**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
