A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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